If the theory that Hell is a frozen wasteland is true, then chances are it probably looks a lot like “Norm of the North.” What a miserable, pathetic excuse for a movie this is. I have to see lots of kid’s movies every year, and every time I go to one I just hope that is has some actual value on some level, whether it be animation, characters, story, humor…whatever. This - thing- is every critic’s worst nightmare. Literally, I have nightmares about movies that are this bad because you can’t leave or do anything about them. It’s not only that “Norm of the North” is bad, but it’s bad in such a boring, lethargic way that brings into question whether or not the animators were tortured in the making of it. I know watching and writing about movies is not usually the most difficult thing to do in the world, but sitting through this was work.
The story for this - thing – involves a polar bear named Norm (Rob Schneider…yes, really, that’s who they hired to headline this…thing), who is the laughing stock of all the animals in the Arctic because he is a terrible hunter. Every day he goes out to hunt for animals and never catches any. When he does, instead of eating them like real polar bears would, he just lets them go (what he eats if he lets his prey go is not made clear). He is the son of the Arctic’s king and has the rare gift of being able to speak to humans (why this is also isn’t made clear). Rather than be amazed by this talent, the animals make fun of Norm for being a worthless creature and waste of existence, which is ironic because that’s how I feel about this…thing.