"Snatched" Review

Title: Snatched
Director: Jonathan Levine
Starring: Amy Schumer, Goldie Hawn
Studio: 20th Century Fox
Genre(s): Comedy
Rated: R (For crude sexual content, brief nudity, and language throughout)

I had high hopes for Amy Schumer when I first saw her in “Trainwreck.”  I felt she was a unique screen presence and played the part of a promiscuous girl who learned about the value of true love very well, and was hoping to see her continue to make inspiring (if not a little off color) projects like that.  If I only I knew at the time she wasn’t so much playing a character as she was playing a more refined version of her standup routine that happened to have a little more polish thanks to Judd Apatow’s capable direction.  Since then I’ve gotten to know her personality very well thanks to much media exposure, and the talent I initially praised her for has largely gone away, replaced by apathy towards a person who lives a persona and doesn’t stretch her wings.  So, with “Snatched” I am not offended that she is more or less performing to her usual low standards.  What pisses me off is that she decided to drag Goldie Hawn down with her.

It has been 15 years since the Oscar-winning actress graced the screens, and one would hope that her long exile would have afforded her a decent role worth coming out of retirement for.  Yet “Snatched” is so devoid of humor or intelligence, portrays Hawn as so shrill and Schumer so stupid, that “The First Wives Club” and “The Banger” can now be looked at as Hawn going out on a high note.  How depressing must it be to be saddled with this while her partner Kurt Russel gets to have so much fun in “Guardian of the Galaxy Vol. 2” (which will be playing right next to you in an ironic twist of fate)?  Never mind, I have a movie to review, not a career to dissect.  The story involves…no, you know what, I’m going to continue because the fact that Goldie Hawn is in this at all shows that there is REALLY a big problem with how Hollywood manages their talent sometimes!
I know the movie business is not a place for elderly women.  It is an unspoken secret that women have a time limit for how many good movie years they have in them.  Once you reach a certain age it’s time for the older generation to move aside and to let the newer generation in.  If you need an elderly woman then Meryl Streep is likely to be available.  I don’t know what exactly caused Hawn to retreat from the Hollywood scene, but it is obvious that she reached her “expiration date” and just had to settle for being a homebody afterwards.  I suppose the thinking is that since she is headlining a movie at all when she’s over seventy is some sort of charity in Hollywood’s eyes.  Yet watching “Snatched” proves that she still has great comedic timing.  There are scenes where she is acting her heart out, spouting cliched dialog that is so difficult to listen to, yet she is managing to still sell it to a certain extent.
How on Earth was THIS the best we could do for her?!  If I were the director I would have realized that there was a legend on set, and take cues from her on how I would proceed with the direction of the character.  Instead she and Schumer embark on this ridiculous journey where mother and daughter must bond over crazy shenanigans while in another country.  Except the movie is too concerned with sex jokes, boob jokes, and fart jokes to be concerned with any real bonding, and never once did I find mother to be wrong with any of her concerns for her spoiled, entitled brat of a daughter.  I suppose for me it is a blessing that Hawn was in this movie and I could take this time to publicly decry how she was used.  Otherwise I honestly might not have had much to say about “Snatched,” and this could have very easily been one of the shortest reviews I’d have written in a long time.

Parents, there is lots of foul language, sexuality, nudity, violence, and other crude jokes.  This is being sold as a Mother's Day movie, but honestly, I would be embarrassed to take my mom to see it.  Recommended for ages 17 and up.