Netflix Animated Film ‘Fixed’ is a Total Dog Turd

While I may be opposed to shelving completely finished movies for tax write-offs, when you have a movie that is passed from one studio to another like a hot potato, common sense says there must be a reason no one wants it. Although animated by Sony Pictures Animation (their first 2D traditionally animated feature, I’m sorry to say), the movie was sold to New Line Cinema, who then returned it. For more than a year, the studio kept trying to find a new home for it before Netflix finally bought it (after initially rejecting it once) for their streaming service. Upon watching “Fixed” (in a theater near me that happened to be showing it), I can understand why: “Fixed,” to be blunt, is dog shit.

I know that is a crass evaluation, but I honestly can not think of any other verdict for this miserable excuse for ninety minutes of my life I will never get back. For many, this is where you can exit the review. For those who are sadomasochists, you may be tempted to indulge in my pain of having to describe this abhorrent experience. The story revolves around a dog named Bull, who is one horny canine. Though cute he is when he is a puppy, once he turns two, he finds he loves to hump everything. He humps Nana’s leg. He humps ice cream. There is a graphic story of how he ruined the family’s Thanksgiving.

The camera focuses in on Bull’s flapping balls during the act, and this joke is apparently SOOOO funny that director Genndy Tartakovsky spent years developing this crap. According to him, he originally conceived of the story in 2009. More than 15 years of development, and this is the best he could do? This movie is so stupid and juvenile, I feel like I owe an apology to Rob Schneider; his movies are far more clever than this. And Tartakovsky is a good director. On Cartoon Network, he created and directed the adult series “Primal,” which shows just how mature the medium of animation can be when put in the hands of people who are good storytellers.

He also directed the “Hotel Transylvania” movies (or…three of them anyway), so you’d think he would at least bring some of his funny material with him. But man, except for three jokes (one of which involves dogs having sex “human style”), you’d swear the guy had no experience working in the field of comedy before. How does a man who understands the freedom of animation think that he can make a bunch of jokes about dog testicles and expect to get away with it? Most frustrating is that he likely brought the art of 2D animation – a medium struggling enough as it is – back by several years.

Traditional hand-drawn animation is much rarer in America than it is the rest of the world, and it’s a miracle when one of these gets made at all. The animation team here was prepared, though: they were ready to show just how smooth and lively pen and paper could be in a world where AI is threatening to make everything look like Silly Putty. Animation teams like this don’t get many chances to make an impression on audiences these days, and the fact that their big shot was wasted on “Fixed” feels extra insulting. I suppose I should end this review with a bad dog pun, but honestly, having to sit through this just once felt like getting kicked in the balls repeatedly, and I’ve had enough.

This review was originally published on The Fandom Post.